The Secret to Handling Criticism
| Meta | |
|---|---|
| Title: | The Secret to Handling Criticism |
| Creator: | Flamingo |
| Date(s): | September 14, 1999 |
| Medium: | online post to a mailing list |
| Fandom: | mentions Starsky & Hutch and Miami Vice |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
The Secret to Handling Criticism is an 1999 essay by Flamingo.
It was posted to The Pits, a Starsky & Hutch mailing list that required membership and is now offline. It is posted here on Fanlore with Flamingo's permission.
For additional context, see Timeline of Concrit & Feedback Meta.
Some Topics Discussed
- awards and what they do and don't represent
- feedback
- learning to take criticism
- Miami Vice fandom, Starsky & Hutch fandom
- the differences between pro writing and fic writing
- perseverance
The Essay
I almost didn't write SH largely because of the reason [that there were already so many great stories in Starsky & Hutch fandom] and also because of my concerns that there was so much great fiction already done in SH that I had nothing to add, no new stories to tell. I felt it all had been done and done well. What could I possibly add to such an impressive fanfic library? I know others have expressed this same view, so I want to pass on what Suzan Lovett said to me: You should write in this fandom because no one has told YOUR stories in YOUR voice. Even if its the same plot, the same conflicts you will bring something new to it. I'm glad I took her advice and think I've turned out a few stories of quality in this fandom. And I know my stories reflect my own world view and no one else's and that alone is valid.
When I started writing SH, I had been totally immersed in and was writing for Miami Vice fandom (slash), which is a very dark, very erotic, compelling place to be. I enjoyed that writing tremendously and wrote some very dark, sexy fiction in it. But Vice is not a place where emotions are expressed easily or where relationships are that solid.
When I came to SH I realized that I finally had a forum to write about my relationship with my partner. We had been close friends, then best friends, for a long time before we finally became lovers. It's a classic slash scenario, especially for SH where the love between the guys is so obvious. For the first time I could express a lot of the conflicts I had during the rocky period when I finally expressed my real feelings and the long time after that when we were "courting" (or rather I was courting her and she was ignoring it). This kind of writing isn't easy as you plumb real feelings and examine them and try to put them into an entertaining story. I also can write SH stories that are just for fun or for the drama of the story and aren't personal, but having that personal forum is very wonderful for me.
While I have always supported the awards system in fandom -- the Huggys, the Stiffies, the FanQs -- the fact is that they are not a good indicator of what is "good" or not. They are often an indicator of who knows who, not who's read what and thought well of it. It's great to be nominated and it is rewarding to win, but I've learned that the awards are really not that good an indicator of "quality" so try not to be disheartened by them. Also, trying to get people to vote is impossible and I'm ready to give up on it. In the early days of fandom when it was difficult to produce zines through typing and mimeo and even early photocopying, zines were cherished and often took years to produce. You *waited* for fan stories. Now they are instantaneous, plentiful, and there are so many zines coming out (in all the fandoms) that people take them for granted. This is another reason people don't bother voting and voting legitimately. Fanfic is often taken for granted. It's all over the net. You can get it anywhere. Most people can't even remember what they've read and many people can't even get around to reading half the zines they buy. Fanfic is simply not the valued commodity it once was. So if you're the kind of writer who needs to be valued in this way, be prepared for disillusionment. Fandom has changed. Satisfaction for writing must come from within, because most of it won't come from without. This is the reality of fandom today.
Many, many people have given up writing in specific fandoms and some have given it up completely because of the thoughtless words of others. We're only human. We pour our heart into our work. We are vulnerable through it. Yes, we all want to improve, but we don't want our hearts cut out over it. The high sensitivity to criticism is very typical of many many writers. It's normal. In the case of fanfic, criticism not only about HOW WELL we write but also over the topic of THE SUBJECT WE ARE WRITING ABOUT have caused many people to give up writing. This is so wrong. And when we have a writer of Barbara's quality that has already baled out of one fandom and considered doing so in SH, we must all stand up and yell, NO! But what can we really do about it? People will always be quick to criticize and in the most unfeeling way possible.
The fact is, that it's not good for the writer to be this sensitive and it's a condition that can change, just like our writing, which is a skill we hone so we can improve. Most of us have made vast changes in our life as certain behaviors proved to be of little benefit to us. When we were 2 we rejoiced in running around naked, and while some of us still do in the privacy of our homes, most of us know it's not acceptable to do this in the real world. ;-) Those of us with tempers have had to learn to control them. We make a million adjustments in our behaviors to satisfy friends, mates, and our work environment. Humans are adaptable, that's the secret to our success. Writers are only human, so we can adapt, too.
There is one reality to the writing life whether you are a fan or a pro: the people who read what you write will have something to say about it. This is the reality. You cannot assume -- nor can you demand -- that what they will have to say will be kind, complimentary, or even honest or true. People don't read well. They will misinterpret what you've written. They will read things into it you never intended. They will ridicule it. They will make fun of it. They will *hate* it. They will insist you CAN'T write what they don't agree with. They will also likewise love it, praise it, beg you for more. You will be nominated for awards. You will be ignored. You will often feel that writing is like dropping your words into a black hole. I received virtually no feedback in the 9 years I wrote Miami Vice slash. Because the brain pays more attention to negative messages than positive ones, the single nasty comment you receive about a spelling error on page 75 will always be remembered with stinging clarity while the 10 gushing love notes about your story will soon be totally forgotten.
The reality is writing is not for sissies. You *can* handle the criticism. If I learned how -- and I was the most sensitive person on the planet -- you can, too. You can learn to handle it, and you can reap BENEFITS from it. You can learn to really HEAR criticism and DISMISS what is unworthy and LEARN TO IMPROVE your work from the worthy criticism, even when it is handed to you in a cruel way.
It was sometimes in the early 80's when I attended a writer's workshop with 6 of the best science fiction writers in the world (one of them being Harlan Ellison) and submitted my work for criticism. I thought my stuff was really hot and absolutely would not listen to my published friends as to what the flaws in my work were (and they were too many to list). You had to sit and listen to the pro's criticism and the class of 30 wannabe writers' criticism while SAYING NOTHING AND SHOWING NO REACTION. And I got to listen to this pro explain to me in the gentlest way possible how bad my stuff was and how nonredeemable it was. Trial by fire. I didn't write for 9 months -- and then I went back and worked on correcting every single flaw he told me about. It was only after this that I started selling my writing.
In fandom, I had editors who were so used to publishing my stuff (MV) that they'd stopped reading it, just published it (because it sold). This one story they had to illustrate so they didn't read it till the last minute, threw some art together for it and never said anything about the story. AFTER it had sold out completely at a con we were at, we went to dinner and in front of a crowd of 12, they proceeded to tell me just how bad this story was, what a terrible writing rut I was in, that my characters could be anybody, my love scenes were boring, etc, etc, and by the way, the rest of my stuff wasn't very good either. These were the people publishing me, making money off my work. I went into writers' workshop mode, sat there politely, quietly taking it with a professional expression glued on my face. They were doing this for my own good. Needless to say, I never gave them anything ever again, and they couldn't figure out why. I was pretty upset over this unexpected blast of criticism IN SPITE of the fact that that same night a reader found me in the hotel and gushed for 2 hours about the very same story, telling me in stunning eloquent detail everything that was right about it, how good it was, how true the characters were, etc. And when she left I turned to my partner and said, "Do you think (those editors) were right? Do you think my stuff is that bad?" I thought she was gonna kill me. I didn't write for maybe a month, then got back in the saddle -- and found new publishers.
You can -- and you HAVE TO -- learn how to turn your back on those comments which make you stop writing. If you don't then you put your creativity in the hands of cretins. You let THEM decide what you should write or even IF you should write! You can't give them that power, they don't deserve it. Don't let anyone stop you from saying what you have to say.
It takes work. Here are the most important things I have learned about handling criticism:
1) Learn to separate yourself from your work. Not while you're working on it, when you're totally absorbed with it, when it fills your every moment with the hows and whys of it, but later, after its done. Print it out. Look at it. Now pretend someone else wrote it. In a writing seminar I took, the pro writer had us hold our manuscripts at the corner by two fingers, hold it at arms length, and repeat 7 times, "I am NOT my story" and then drop it on the floor. It was a worthwhile exercise and sometimes we had to repeat it if someone was getting too torn up by criticism.
2) Don't be so quick to hand your story around. Like the best cheese, stories need to age a bit. And the writer needs to distance herself from it. As writers, we usually can't wait to hand our story on to someone else -- "Hear, wanna read this? Wha'd'ya think, huh? Huh?" I remember a fan friend who, many years ago, would insist you read her story, then literally hover over your shoulder chirping, "What's Lynxy [her primary character] doing now?" as if this were a living adventure going on right this minute under your nose. She drove us all nuts. Yet, most of us had to admit that in our hearts and souls we were just like her, if more subtle. That was then. Now I know better. NO ONE sees my first drafts and I mean NO ONE. After I finish a story, I let it "age." I put it away and DON'T LOOK AT IT. Why? Because then I can separate from it. Because right after you've finished a story, it's still buzzing around your brain. The writer never transmits but about 10% of the information about her story onto the page, so the other 90% is still humming around up there, like the name of Starsky's 3rd cousin twice removed that you never did include, the pile of candy wrappers on the floor of the Torino, and so on. You need to let that stuff go away or at least quiet down. After a few weeks, you can forget a bunch of that stuff, and so when you read your story after the absence it *will* seem like someone else's story. You'll spot typos you missed before. You'll see awkward sentences. You'll see pov problems or poor transitions that you never noticed before. Then you can edit the hell out of it and then hand it off. I usually edit a story 3 times before I hand it over and Solo can tell you how many problems I still have after that. But by this time, it's just a job to me; the importance of the story to me and my attachment to it has greatly lessened. Besides, after you've distanced yourself from it, and edited it a few times, you won't be so embarrassed when someone points out the obvious glitches.
3) Start working on something else as soon as you've finished the last story and have started to let it age. (By working, I don't necessarily mean writing; planning it is often enough.) This will get you very involved with the new story, and help you distance yourself from the one that still needs editing.
4) Accept the reality that you can't please everyone, that no matter how hard you work at it, no story is perfect, and that you have no doubt made some real boo-boo in there that you keep overlooking that's going to take you by complete surprise when someone snidely points it out. Tell yourself that only Allah is perfect and move on.
5) Learn how to LISTEN to criticism.
a) Remember #1, you are not your story. No matter how blunt or cruel remarks are, remind yourself the speaker is not talking about YOU the person, they are talking about PAPER WITH WORDS ON IT. Not your heart, your soul, PAPER WITH WORDS ON IT. If you tell yourself this often enough it will sink in. Tell yourself it is JUST A STORY. It's not your child, not your pet, not your lover. It's a story. Words on paper. If this seems hard to do, it will get easier, trust me. It doesn't mean you will care less about it while you're doing it, it is just a protective device to enable you to handle the inevitable. Remember, your child isn't perfect, nor is your pet or your lover. So your story probably isn't either. ;-) Remember #4. Only Allah is perfect.
b) Listen to the basis of the complaint, NOT THE WAY IT IS DELIVERED. Many complaints have no basis and can't help you. Dismiss them. "I hated this story," is a meaningless phrase. It doesn't instruct and is not even criticism because it gives you no specific information that you can learn from. All it means is that this person doesn't have the good taste to like your story. Too bad for her. If the person says, "I hated this story because I hate all stories with death in them (or rape or lace curtains or whatever)" this is more specific, but still a very limited criticism. It is saying, in effect, that NO ONE (not just you) should ever write about these topics under any circumstances. Which is ridiculous. Every aspect of human relationships should be explored. If you want to write about these topics, then that is just too bad for her, since the writer cannot fetter herself with other people's hangups. (I have many friends who will not read a single word I write because it is slash. Does it bother me? A little. Enough to stop writing slash? No. Their loss.) If she says, "I hated this story because you kept jerking me out of the story by changing POV every paragraph," then LISTEN TO THAT COMPLAINT. It is specific and tells you what you did incorrectly that affected the reader's ability to appreciate the story you were trying to tell. More importantly this is something YOU CAN AND SHOULD FIX. You can learn from this statement. Ignore the "I hated it" part and focus on the specific complaint and be grateful that someone was honest enough to tell you what was wrong THAT CAN BE FIXED. "I didn't understand this story," means that the speaker isn't intelligent enough to understand your sparkling prose and clever plot. Too bad for her.
If she says, "I didn't understand this story because you placed it in an amorphous time frame so I didn't know if the Gunther hit had happened already or would happen in the future, and that would affect the emotional content of this story," kiss this person because she told you something really important that maybe didn't occur to you. You can fix this by making a decision about this time frame and maybe adding a few sentences to fix it and thereby improve the entire emotional aspect of the story.
"This story conflicts with canon and I never like stories that conflict with canon." This statement has some basis of criticism IF and ONLY IF you had intended the story to mesh with canon. In that case you want to find out where your error was and fix it if you can or at least learn from your mistake. However, if, like me, you sometimes don't give a shit about canon, well, in that case, this person isn't imaginative enough to shed the restrictive constraints of canon and be as freely imaginative as you are. Too bad for her.
Those of you on VP know this is my most hated complaint because of its restrictive nature. I've said this before and I'll say it again: the writer gets to decide if she wants to write in canon, NOT THE READER. The reader can chose to reject stories that are not in canon, but if she does, it's her loss, NOT THE WRITER'S. The writer's job is to permit herself the greatest amount of freedom in choosing plotlines that she wants. If you are in a fandom that is "married" to canon and you still want to write outside of canon, DO IT! Someone will thank you for it. If it is only 1 out of 10 people, it doesn't matter. I've seen fans create entirely new genres of fan fiction by coloring outside the lines. Someone had to write the first A/U story and no doubt most of the fandom hated it, but it gave freedom to the writers who were dying to branch out into that.
6) Remember that new ideas are always initially resisted. Yet, they are the most needed in writing. If you have a new idea, run with it. Sooner or later it won't be a new idea, and people will forget how much they resisted it when they first saw it.
7) A good general rule of criticism is: If 1 person complains about an aspect of your story, "Hutch would never say that to Starsky," listen to it and decide if it's correct or not. If *2* people make the exact same complaint, "Hutch would never say that to Starsky," PAY CLOSER ATTENTION. The 2 people rule is very valuable. (This is assuming the 2 people are not best friends and didn't confer on a singular opinion, which happens. I'm talking 2 independent critics.) It can keep you from doing things that almost everyone will think doesn't work. Reconsider whatever it is they've complained about and try to get them to make specific suggestions as to the problem and a possible fix. Then think about it seriously.
HOWEVER, you must also consider the prejudices of the critics. I have a story in progress that 3 out of 4 people don't like. And I mean seriously don't like. The criticism of this story was extremely specific and to the point and most of it was the same from all 3 of the don't-like critics. The 4th person really liked the story but also had some criticism. Initially, I was disheartened enough to drop this story like a hot potato. Who wants to write a story 3 out of 4 people don't like? However, after awhile I realized that 2 of the 3 had very similar fandom attitudes regarding the episode I was basing the story on. They also had very firm preconceived attitudes about how the characters would react to the situation I put them in and these preconceived attitudes differed largely from mine (and the 4th critic). 2 of them basically had a problem with the premise of the story which meant my foundation simply didn't work for them and never would no matter what I did with it. Now this is a problem unique to fandom. Fans come to your story already deciding how characters will look, sound, and act under certain circumstances. It's very hard to get around these strongly held feelings. Over time, I've decided to go back to this story and work on it again. Am I rejecting the specific criticism of the 3 don't-like readers? No. I'm looking it over and considering it under the caveat that 2 out of 3 of the critics may never accept the foundation of the story and the 3rd is on the fence. The specific criticisms were very good and I am definitely taking them to heart because they were valuable and I'm making major changes because of them that will give my story a stronger footing and more motivation. I suspect this will not change their minds, but maybe it will. Whether it does or not, the basic essence of the story will not change. If anything, it will grow stronger. I will finish this story and know that many people may not like it. I'm ready for that. The story expresses things I experienced and has a personal message for me. That's enough reason to finish it. That, and it'll make my 4th critic very happy. ;-)
Hope this huge blah-blah-blah helps a little.