Wish I Wasn't Here

The Professionals Fanfiction
Title:	Wish I Wasn't Here
Author(s):	MFae Glasgow
Date(s):	1992
Length:	11 pages
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	The Professionals
External Links:	online here
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"Wish I Wasn't Here" is a The Professionals first time Bodie/Doyle story written by MFae Glasgow.

It is a was originally published in Pæan to Priapus #4.

This fic won a 1993 STIFfie for Best Pros short story.

Summaries

Cowley learns of Bodie and Doyle's sexual relationship and gives them an ultimatum. Bodie goes on a coastal retreat to mull over the cost of what he sees as purely sexual relationship, leaving Doyle behind. In a moment of depression, Bodie sends Doyle a postcard with the words "Wish I wasn't here" written on the back and then panics. If Doyle shows up, it could mean the end of his career. If Doyle does not show up....

Reactions and Reviews

2006

A dark, windswept story of being outed and parted at the same time. Bodie follows orders and flees to the northern seaside in winter without leaving Doyle any way to follow him. Beautifully written, as we expect of this author.

2010

One of MFae's simplest and sweetest stories, and I purely love it. It's told entirely in Bodie's pov as he's sent to a seaside town, Cowley separating him from Doyle before they can consummate their fledging relationship. After trying to just get on with things, Bodie sends Doyle a desperate postcard, and Doyle responds in Doylean fashion.

2013

Yes, yes, yes and yes - to love M.Fae Glasgow and well done Bodie POV and feel the wind whipping, I remember all my sea holidays as soon as I read it. Maybe M.Fae's happiest read. I love Bodie's mood, the realisation that his decision was wrong and Doyle's move, his visit helping him out of it. Perfect all-time comfort read, with a little shiny eyes at the end.

I found this on my harddrive, downloaded when I first discovered Pros fic in the form of the online Oblique zines. The predominance of M. Fae Glasgow and Sebastian was very hard going and I was soon relieved to find out that not all Pros fic was that dour. This one languished unread as I moved on to jollier fics.

So glad I did read it though. One thing I like is that they cannot or will not talk about their relationship, at least not yet. And jumping into bed with no conversational preliminaries seems authentically bloke-ish. *g*

I once loved M Fae’s writing and rated her a favourite of mine but then somehow, gradually, I seemed to go off her and though I could still appreciate her skills as a writer I ended up being irritated by her writing. Some writing you might grow out of but I’d be reluctant to use that term in this context because I feel that her writing is too mature to grow out of so I think it must be a question of her style. In some of her stories (not all) I feel she just takes too long making a point or uses too many words to express her point (maybe her language is too flowery? I'm not sure and I think that's probably not the reason but it's a possibility) but I do feel she goes round and round the houses saying the same thing in different ways too many times....

BUT, BUT, having said all that Wish I Wasn't Here is one of the few exceptions(!) and I feel it's a beautifully written story which I can still enjoy reading. But why? What’s the difference? The length has a lot going for it and it’s fairly succinct. I love the setting and feel Glasgow has really managed to create a sense of place in this story; I love the (at times) funny but more often sad and whimsical atmosphere of the English seaside during the last, dying days of summer - an Indian summer - which seems to combine with and accentuate Bodie's own loneliness and sense of whimsy and waste at being here at the seaside, kicking his heels and without Doyle, Doyle his very reason for being (there *is* no fun without Doyle) - and feeling it could be so different. And I really like the way Doyle turns up, wordlessly (I can *see* Doyle doing that, peering over his sunglasses) with his come hither look (which I s'pose would have to be administered *over* his sunglasses [isn't writing hard?])and then, the rest as they say, is slash history. So....a beautifully written story and a very nice rec! Thanks for this.

When she's on, she's really on. What a wonderful eye for detail she has.

I hadn't read this one -- and had forgotten it -- so thanks for the rec. Moody, atmospheric -- a terrific sense of time and place. Very vibrant. I see the peeling paint, smell the salt air.

And I think she really captures them, their voices, their mannerisms. Love her little descriptions.

She's a rarity in that she can be genuinely, laugh-out-loud funny and bawdy, but turn around and be angsty, dark, bleak. Sometimes too much so for my taste. I also think she has an occasional tendency to floridity, but not in this one. This is really nicely done.

Also, though it's a relatively slim story, she really imbues it with a sense of tension and urgency.